Long time for any posts! Just an update. As of October 6, 2010 we both officially became Canadian citizens. Sadly I am still wondering when we will assimilate. I have seen anywhere from 2-3 years but over 5 yrs now? I am still working on my potential novel which tells our story in detail. It is getting ever closer to completion.
Also so many people we have lost touch with either our fault or no fault. Anyone who would like to contact my email: nwturks6770@yahoo.com. My aol email is no longer working!

On August 25, 2009, the LGBT community lost one of its greatest champions, Senator Edward Kennedy. During his Senate career, he offered steadfast support for a host of LGBT legislation. He always believed that even gay and lesbian Americans deserved equal rights and equal treatment under the law. Our community has definitely suffered a loss. For me, his support of the Uniting American Familes Act would help me and my partner return to America and for his support for this important legislation, I am grateful.

The UAFA still awaits being brought up for a vote in Congress!! Why is our government dragging its feet on something so important to bi-national couples? What is meant by "liberty and justice for all"? Thank you Mr. Kennedy for always believing our community should be treated equal under the law as all other Americans. Shame on all of the other politicians who continue to believe as though we are second class citizens. And shame on all those politicians who continue to not show their support for the UAFA. They must believe it is ok for an American citizen to have to live in exile.

LETTER TO MICHAEL MOORE

It has been a very long time between posts. May 6-8 is lobby week for the UAFA. Yesterday I sent this email to Michael Moore in hopes that maybe we can generate some exposure. I know it is a longshot but it doesn't hurt to try. The following is my email:

Dear Mr Moore,

I don't think I have ever sent a e-mail to a film celebrity before but here goes. I have seen both of your documentaries I can't count how many times--and in my opinion they were both right ON target. I am now going to take a chance that you are an open minded individual and hope that you can see another situation from a human perspective.

Every day Americans in loving, same-sex, binational relationships are forced to make heartbreaking choices to maintain their relationship; including leaving the United States to be with the person they love. There is a bill that has been in Congress since 2000 that if enacted could end this discriminatory policy in the U.S. immigration code. The Uniting American Families Act (UAFA) is currently in committee again--H.R. 221 and S.1328 respectively. In fact, according to the 2000 U.S. Census there are an estimated 40,000 such couples.

The UAFA seeks to fulfill the pledge of family unification under current U.S. Immigration policy by adding the term “permanent partner” where the word “spouse” currently appears in the Immigration and Nationality Act. This would allow American citizens and permanent residents the ability to sponsor their same-sex partner for immigration benefits without challenging the Defense of Marriage Act.

I met my partner in February 2003 in Portland, Oregon. She was the most beautiful woman I had ever seen. Somehow I knew she would change my life forever. Before we planned our commitment ceremony, my partner informed me that in 2002 she had filed a claim for political asylum in the U.S. At first I had no idea of the impact this would have on us or how our future could possibly be affected. Then I did some research. My partner had passed the one-year deadline and it would be almost impossible to get past this legal challenge. I further found that there was no relief for same-sex couples under the law. In January 2005 we were both forced to flee to Canada for protection. It is hard to quantify how it feels to be exiled from your own country. Yes we are safe, together, and grateful to this country for giving us that opportunity but we still have not been able to adjust. I think it has to do with the fact that we were essentially forced to live here. If we had a choice, we would still be home in the U.S. There is not a day that goes by that both of us yearn to be back home. As a U.S. citizen, I am still struggling to understand how my relationship is so threatening that it warrants being exiled. Our life at home was totally destroyed. We had to leave our home, jobs, family, friends, and posses­sions behind. Our credit was literally devastated from attempting to stave off our departure and live a normal life at the same time.When we came to Canada, we had no support network, no place to stay, and no status. For almost three weeks we lived in a shelter. Neither of us had ever lived like that before and to this day it has affected us in a way that is hard to explain.
Finally, I hope you will agree that not only is it fundamentally unfair to force any American into exile, separating them from their family, friends and community but it is essentially a form of persecution. The UAFA remains the only way to keep loving couples together, and I hope that there is way that you can help. I urge you to take a look at the following websites to read our stories firsthand--to see our suffering and longing for only one thing--to be able to keep our families together in the country that we love:

http://www.immigrationequality.org/
http://www.loveexiles.org/
http://www.out4immigration.org/

LIVING IN EXILE

I often wonder what is wrong with me. Why have I not accepted my new home? Will it be permanent? Am I just ungrateful? Why do I keep longing to "be home"? Do people look at me and think she needs to just get over it?

I look at other people who have made the move and they seem undoubtedly excited--why not me too. I am grateful and excited about us being together however I still feel we were not given a choice and this fact I just can't seem to reconcile.

CANADIAN WORKPLACE

I know I have posted before regarding Canada's weak labor laws. I am just curious if anyone else who has came to Canada has experienced something like this. I am trying very hard to lose faith in the system here but sometimes I really wonder.

My wife works with a "government" contracted employer. She was on break the other day and having a conversation with a fellow employee. Apparently the guy was carrying his wife's cell phone which happened to be pink. He acted like he was ashamed to be carrying it and she asked him why. His response--I don't want anyone to think I am a "faggot". Yes this happened at the workplace. She was totally shocked. Now yes she works in a male environment but there are women who work there too but there is no excuse for using this type of language at work.

I am 40 years old and never in my life in the U.S. have I heard this word at work. And she was there for 16 years and she has never heard this. For most parts of the country it would not be tolerated. I am not sure if it just Ontario or the metropolitan area we live in but hope that all of this place is not like that. The workplace protections are simply not comparable. And this is not the first time an incident like this has happened. Just wondering if anyone has had any experiences like this.

IMMIGRATION EQUALITY CENSURES MEMBERS COMMMENTS

Below is a comment I sent to IE regarding the organization's threat to use a member of the LGBT community for---nothing more than using a similar name for this website-- www.immigrationequality.us.

Yes Immigration Equality was threatening a lawsuit against someone for creating a website to bring awareness about our situation. What could it hurt? I sent a comment to the organization in response to this individual's email and it was not approved. Below is my comment:

Hello,Your message to the ImmigrationEqualityMembers group was not approved. The owner of the group controls the content posted to it and has the right to approve or reject messages accordingly.In this case, your message was automatically rejected because the moderator didn't approve it within 14 days. We do this to provide a high quality of service for our users.A complete copy of your message has been attached for yourconvenience.Thank you for choosing Yahoo! Groups

What IE does not have anything better to do than threaten a LGBT citizen with a lawsuit?
A better target would be the federal government and DOMA!!! This is the most outrageous notion I have seen in a while. A lawsuit simply because a citizen has chosen to create a venue to speak out against the sickening discrimination of the US government. Come on IE can't we make better use of the resoures?

Well IE this is my blog and I will post whatever I want to especially if it pertains to the situation of GLBT citizens and our fight for equal treatment.

CLINTON AND OBAMA SUPPORT FOR UAFA LUKEWARM

Clinton and Obama both say they support the UAFA in "principal" but have issues regarding potential fraud. So they are worried about fraud but are not too worried about American citizens living in exile. Well as far as I am concerned, the US immigration system is perpetrating a fraud on LGBT American citizens but it seems Clinton and Obama are ok with this.

I think they are more concerned about their potential of electability than LGBT Americans.

BUSH PUSHES PHONY IMMIGRATION BILL

Read select quotes below:

He described his proposal — which has been agreed to by a bipartisan group of senators — as one that "makes it more likely we can enforce our border — and at the same time uphold the great immigrant tradition of the United States of America."

" Great tradition"--looks like the new tradition is to stop immigration period.
Why won't the government try to fix some of the real problems? Example why does it take so long to sponsor a relative? Should it really take 14-25 years?

"A lot of Americans are skeptical about immigration reform, primarily because they don't think the government can fix the problems," Bush said.

People are skeptical because the government cannot fix shit. They are using immigration as way to try to divide people. Sick as usual.

"And my answer to the skeptics is: give us a chance to fix the problems in a comprehensive way that enforces our border and treats people with decency and respect. Give us a chance to fix this problem. Don't try to kill this bill before it gets moving," Bush told students and instructors at the Federal Law Enforcement Training Center.

"Treats people with decency and respect"--Sorry Mr. Bush you don't know anything about decency and respect and neither does your INS!
Case in point:
-This proposal does nothing to solve the wait times for relatives being sponsored in the US
-This proposal does nothing for LGBT Americans
-This proposal actually may eliminate categories for siblings of American citizens or PR
If the government wants to push an amnesty bill, make it a real amnesty bill! Not one loaded with bullshit and that is all this one has.


"You can use it to frighten people," Bush said. "Or you can show leadership and solve this problem once and for all."
The bill would give temporary legal status to millions of unlawful immigrants, provided they came forward, paid a fine and underwent criminal background checks. To apply for a green card, they would have to pay another fine, learn English, return to their home country and wait in line.
The plan also would create a guest worker program. It would allow foreign laborers to come to the U.S. for temporary stints, yet with no guarantee they can eventually gain citizenship.

Yes Mr. Bush that is what the government does best--frightens people. After all that is how you got elected last time. And of course the best immigration bill is the one where there is no guaratees for the people who are giving everything they have for America--including its own citizens--but then again you don't count gay and lesbian Americans citizens do you?

Clinton/Hagel Introduce Legislation for LPR spouses/kids

Washington, DC - Senators Hillary Rodham Clinton (D-NY), Chuck Hagel (R-NE) and Robert Menendez (D-NJ) today introduced an amendment to the Border Security and Immigration Reform Act of 2007 that would remove barriers to reunification for the nuclear families of lawful permanent residents. The amendment would reclassify the spouses and minor children of lawful permanent immigrants as "immediate relatives," thereby exempting them from the visa caps.

"The United States is a country built by immigrants, but our laws are tearing legal immigrant families apart," said Senator Clinton.

"This amendment would establish that America is committed to the principle of keeping families together.

Interesting. America is committed to the principle of keeping families together.

What about LGBT families? Where is Clinton's support for our families? Why hasn't she signed on to the UAFA?

LOSS

On May 12, 2007 I lost my beautiful mom. I had planned to try to call her for Mother's Day but I can only hope the good Lord has a better place for her-- a place where her Alzheimer’s will be no more.

I will be taking a bus to Arkansas today for the funeral on Friday. I love you Mom and I hope you are happy and well in that next life.

FRIENDSHIPS

I have often wondered why people would feel the need to establish a friendship only to let it falter. I have to admit I have not always been the best friend however for a good friend I will go the distance. People have to understand that sometimes there are things going on that limit you doing everything you would like to do. It seems these days it is getting harder and harder to not only meet but keep good friends. Maybe I am doing something wrong. Maybe it is because I seem to be so negative at times however I can only call them like I see them.

It is a very big letdown to meet interesting people who you really like talking to or visiting only to have them ignore you. When someone calls you and leaves you several messages and you don't even make the effort to return the call how is one supposed to feel? I don't understand why people can't just say I don't want anything to do with you for whatever reason. This is called being honest. Sometimes honesty can hurt but I would rather just know how people are thinking rather than just waste my time thinking they want to be my friend. I am getting close to 40 now and I don't have time for that stuff anymore. Nobody can be busy 24 hours a day. Even just a quick email to say Hi and to say you have been really busy is enough.

Sorry such a negative post. I just had to get this off my chest today.

OHIP BAD EXPERIENCE
I have heard many times how people talk about the health care system here and how great it is. Maybe I just have had bad experiences. Maybe I just live in such a large metropolitan area that it is different from other places.

Last night I had a very frustrating experience though that was very uncalled for.
It all started on Monday evening when I visted one of the local walk-in clinics in our area. I had ran out of the medication that a previous doctor had prescribed for my back pain. When I came here in 2005, I had been experiencing periodic pain for a few years due to a severe strain the late 90's. In late 2005, I had an MRI done here and I have a couple of disc herniations in my lower back. The pain would usually come and go. Now the pain has been coming more frequently sometimes on a daily basis.

First I walk in and the first thing they ask for is of course the health card. They call my name and I go back to see the doctor. I showed her the medication and my MRI report and explained how the medication did not seem to be effective. She told me it was no good and gave me another prescription. Before I was finished she started to walk out the door. I politely told her I was not finished as I wanted to ask her about a back rest for work and for another referral for an MRI. After giving the prescription for the back rest, she told me she could not do that. So in less than 5 minutes I was basically shuffled out the door.
I was not happy with this service so I was told to complain to the manager of the clinic.

The next day I did however this too did not go anywhere. Before I called the manager, I called OHIP and was told that any doctor or specialist could issue a referral for any medical tests. Then I called the manager of the clinic. I explained what happened and was told it was up to the doctor whether they would issue a referral or not. She told me I could see the specialist the next evening and that he was there until 9pm. Sounds simple. It gets better.

So last night I went back again. I explained to the receptionist and told her that the manager informed me I could see the specialist. They again took my health card. Then they called me back to see the specialist. The specialist asked me if I had a referral form. I told him no they did not give me one and that they had sent me directly to see him. He told me that he was actually getting ready to leave and that he would need that. He said that without a referral he would not get paid. So I went back to the reception and told them that I would need that so he could see me. They had me waiting to see another doctor so they could issue the referral. The specialist ended up coming over to where I was waiting to see if I had seen the doctor yet. I told him I was still waiting. He said that he had got a call from the hospital. He suggested I come back next Tuesday (he is only there on Tuesdays). I told him for the next two weeks I work late shifts.

Then we got into a heated exchange in the discussion of what happened on my last visit to the other doctor. He said that I don't automatically need to get an MRI even if I am hurting everyday and the pain is going down my leg. I am of course a typical American (I feel I deserve good health care). I mentioned that is what I pay tax for. He says no it is not. He says if I want to get one in the States that he can write me a referral right now but it costs $700 and that they are very expensive. I then proceeded to tell him that I could always to go the emergency room to get it done and he asks me if I think that is fair? I then asked him if it was fair that when people come in there and they run the health card and only see people for less than 5 minutes if that is fair to them and if it wastes money he said no.

Can you believe that? So after over 2 years here I or should I say we have still not found a decent doctor. I can't say about anyone else's experiences but this is what we have been getting. First when you go to the clinics they ask if you have a regular family doctor. But when we find a regular family doctor that is taking new patients and they find out we are a couple their attitude changes or they say we need a full-time doctor. And believe it or not they can choose what patients they actually treat. So where is the problem here? I have even been told that maybe we can find a doctor in downtown Toronto (gay area). Why should we have to do this when there should be plenty of doctors in our area? I would love to hear about others' experiences.

HOW LOW CAN SOME PEOPLE GO-PART 2

This should actually be a rhetorical question since we know how the U.S. gov't is. I once had an immigration attorney tell me and I quote,"The INS is not your friend. They will lie, cheat, or steal to get you out because that is their job."
When I put up this post there were a few negative responses. The questions they should be asking is how much power this agency should have over people but better yet they should be asking why GLBT Americans are being denied their rights to "stand in line and fill out the paperwork".
But these bigots won't even ask that question because they probably feel we have none anyway. Have these so called "do it by the book" advocates even researched how long it takes to do it right? Perfect example: A U.S. citizen following everything legally by law sponsors a brother or sister to live in the USA. How long do you think it takes? Answer: It can take over 15 years.
Is this fair or just? So why does it take so long? And how about the famous "name search". How can a name search possibly take over 3 years unless they are being searched on another planet. This is just a way to hold up people's lives and dreams and the INS loves to do that.
The bigots who support these deplorable tactics apparently have not had a relative waiting patiently and trying to do everything right and still getting (excuse the language) fucked around by the INS.
They mention their grandparents. Sorry to inform you INS has come a long way since then. Back then the Statue of Liberty meant something. I think now France should take it back!

THE JOY OF TAX TIME

After doing some research, I have found that I will just have to file single in the good ol' USA. Apparently your spouse has to have a SSN or TIN number to put them on the form and all the info you need to try to get one of those. It's not worth it for our situation. For 2005, I didn't file just out of principal however this year I have read that I can purhaps be proscecuted if I don't. So now I will have to file two this year. Of course I will have to file single when in fact I am actually married. But then again we could talk about this forever. Just another one of the pitfalls of being binational I guess. I will be filing the foreign exclusion so they will not be getting any tax anyway but I am one that believes strongly in the whole principal of the thing. It's too bad the U.S. gov't does not.

I received this from a member of out4immigration. How disgusting! Please spread the word:
http://www.nj1015.com/personalities/carton-rossi.shtm


Flyers with the following text have been found in immigrantneighborhoods in New Jersey. FYI, La Cuca Gotcha is a play on the word'Cucaracha', which means cockroach in Espanol... how much moredisgusting and racist can people get? An alt name for this 'campaign'is 'Rat a Rat'. Operation: La Cuca Gotcha New Jersey 101.5 Contact: Charod Williams Executive Producer, The Jersey Guys 609-883-6609 charod.williams@nrg.com Craig Carton craigc@nj1015.com TEXT OF FLYER: Feb 8, 2007 New Jersey, America's most listened-to FM afternoon show, The JerseyGuys, starring Craig Carton and Ray Rossi, on WKXW NJ 101.5 FM havebegun an initiative to assist in the roundup and deportation ofillegal immigrants in NJ. The project entitled ' La Cuca Gotcha' isencouraging all the listeners of The Jersey Guys, popular radio show,to find and report the existence of illegal immigrants. The JerseyGuys have established three methods for concerned citizens to reportthe whereabouts of illegal immigrants. 1. Toll-free hotline managed by The Jersey Guys staff 2. Federal government hotlines 3. Direct email to The Jersey Guys staff The initiative which began on Tuesday February 6 has already showndividends with hundreds of calls to federal authorities, will commenceon Saturday May 5th to coincide with Cinco de Mayo. The role is tomake New Jersey safer by legally reporting and deporting illegalimmigrants who have repeatedly flaunted our laws and disrespected ourcountry's long storied history of welcoming immigrants with open arms.'The Jersey Guys' show is broadcast weekdays from 2-7 pm, and is heard in New York, NewJersey, Pennsylvania and Delaware. For more information please contact our producer Charod Williams at609-893-6609. charod.williams@nrg.com or Craig Carton craigc@nj1015.com

How low can some people go?

It's been a long time without any posts. We recently went on two trips---well two seperate trips. First we both went to Turkey. I have never been out of North America so it was very different. I had a good time. We went to visit my spouse's mom and she was able to come back with us. We are hoping to keep her here with us.
When we got home, I got a call from my brother that my mom was very ill. I had to make an emergency trip to the U.S. as my mom was put on life support.
Unfortunately this trip I had to make alone. This is the tough part about being an exile as if my mom had not made it (luckily she got better before I left) I would have had to deal with that alone without her. I had not seen her in almost 6 years. She has progressive dementia but she was able to recognize me at least once as she told me she loved me and that was worth everything. But my spouse will probably never be able to see her before she leaves this earth. That is the sad part of this situation. I wish the politicians could feel this anguish just once and then they would truely know how we feel and all of the other couples just like us.

Over the weekend, I talked with a former co-worker and discovered something that totally disgusted me.

Last year around April I got very sick and had to spend a night in the hospital. When I got out a couple of co-workers came by our house to see how I was doing and wish me well. Apparently the supervisor of this former co-worker said in a round about way that he could not believe that they actually went over to our house!

I guess we have some sort of disease or something. Maybe it is the gay cooties. I was of course sworn to secrecy and then again I still work there so I would be unable to speak out to substantiate it anyway. Now everytime I see this guy's face, I will think about that comment that was said behind my back. I have lost any respect for this person.

She told me something else. That I couldn't change the world. That is true I said but I can change the world around me. I can choose who I will associate with. It just goes to show that even here in Canada it can happen. You can change the law but you can't change the people.
I am still not used to this place. I want it to feel like home but I don't know if it ever will. Sometimes I feel guilty that I feel this way after all this country did give us freedom. If we could just go home. But I don't know if that will ever happen so unfortunately we are forced to make it home.

Parental guidance Suggested for today's post:
The following are links to the list of the spineless representative and senate bastards who voted for the Defense of Marriage Act and that Clinton signed into law on Sept 21, 1996

http://clerk.house.gov/evs/1996/roll316.xml

http://www.senate.gov/legislative/LIS/roll_call_lists/roll_call_vote_cfm.cfm?congress=104&session=2&vote=00280

Check them out to see if your representative or senator had the guts to say no to the religious terrorists. As you can see, most democrats also voted in favor to disenchant millions of American citizens too. You see Clinton signed the bill because his ass was up for re-election and he had just got a blowjob so he had to suck up to all of right-wing fanatics.

Because of DOMA, that is the main reason that binational couples are in the situation that we are in. We have been regulated to the position of quasi citizens. I wonder if Clinton even considered how his actions would affect the lives of so many citizens and their families.
Unfortunately I was one of the stupid Americans who voted for Clinton and at the time had no idea of the profound effect DOMA would have on my life in the future.

I found another blog about folks like us in our situation: http://canadianhope.blogspot.com/
Thanks Tom for adding my blog. I thought it would be better to post the story here again.
I met my spouse on Feb 28, 2003 in Oregon and had a commitment ceremony on Jun 14, 2003. It was at this time that she told me about the immigration situation and how she had filed for asylum to stay in the US. Hopefully I won' t get sued for slander here. The first lawyer was David Shamloo and he was a total asshole. He said that I was not the one who had to worry about being deported. That was when I then sent an email meant for my spouse but it ended up getting to his secretary too and needless to say he did not like me much after that.
At first I didn't know much about immigration law and what asylum really meant but soon found out that my spouse's chances were very slim at best. I started researching about what kind of documentation was required and we worried that what Mr. Shamloo had would not be enough. So then I started looking to get a second opinion and that was when I found Lavi Soloway in New York. At this point, Shamloo had been paid in full for $6200.
I still remember talking to him on my cell phone in Oregon. Mr. Soloway asked me if we wanted to win at the interview and I said of course we do. He then proceeded to inform me that he didn't think we should proceed to the interview with the documentation that Mr. Shamloo had collected and that it would not be enough. Since Mr. Soloway was considered an expert on same-sex immigration cases, my spouse fired Mr. Shamloo and we now retained Mr. Soloway. We now started over again with fees--this time it was $5000. Soloway wrote a letter to Shamloo to convince him to return some of the retainer because-- now get this--he knew my spouse was not eligible to file for asylum in the first place since she had passed the one-year deadline. But he mentioned that it had now been filed and would have to be followed through. Shamloo returned $750 out of the goodness of his heart .
Months later, Mr. Soloway began to tell us that he could now only buy us time and that we should start considering our Canadian option and connected us with our lawyer here as they knew each other. So on Dec 9, 2004 after a conference call with the two lawyers and discovering that we did not have the funds necessary to make a skilled worker application we made the decision to come as refugees to Canada. It was our last and only option.
We probably would have done it sooner but Soloway told us that my spouse could come but that I could not which was the wrong information.
We drove across country to Buffalo and connected with an organization called Viva La Casa who made us an appointment with the Canadian officials and on Jan 6, 2005 crossed the border. We stayed in a shelter in Toronto called World Vision for 3 weeks and then found our own place.
The refugee claim for my spouse was approved on Aug 31, 2005 and we filed our PR application on Oct 13, 2005 and landed on Oct 30, 2006.
I spoke with another friend in the same situation in California about how I felt to be landed. I told her that I was happy but sad at the same time if that made any sense. I am grateful that we are free and I love my spouse more than anything and if I had to do it again I would make the same choice because I want to be with her. I am grateful that we are together and that the door was finally opened for us. But I am also sad because I know we are never going back.
All in all, the US was our home and here does not feel like home. It is somewhat different when one chooses to go to a different place than when it is your only choice. I don't know if people can understand this or not. I am not trying to be negative but it is way we feel.
So that is our story. It only part of it but I couldn' t tell the whole one here on a blog.

SWEET VICTORY 2006!
As this time the Democrats have kicked ass and won the House. The Senate is still up for grabs.
As for the Republicans--"I feel your pain"! Just kidding. Possible new jobs for the losers--maybe Rick (PA) can be Bush's bitch.
Let's hope and pray the victory will carry to the Senate. But having the House is better than having no control at all.